It’s a player’s worst nightmare. You take a sexy little thing home with you. You’re undressing her. You’re hard as a rock. And then you find…a penis. You, my friend, have now stumbled on one of many Thai ladyboys.
Don’t worry, it can happen to even the best of us.
While it might be worth a laugh once (like a year later), you’ll want to stay well clear of them in the future. Totally understandable. But, if you’re unlucky enough to be tricked into a situation like I’ve described above, let’s first talk about how to handle it.
Make “Him/Her” Leave. ASAP.
I’m not one for being politically correct, as you can tell. Him, her, or whatever you want to call it—tell them to leave. Right away.
It’s completely fucked up to trick someone into having a same-sex encounter without their knowledge. It’s using deceit—massive amounts of makeup and pre-scripted lines, specific clothes, mannerisms, and more.
While I’d say that you’re well within your rights to open up a can of whoop-ass on Thai ladyboys who trick you, it’s probably best not to in most cases. They do speak the local language, may have connections, etc. The last thing you’d want is to end up in a Thai prison. Then you’ll be seeing even more penises.
Simply put, tell Thai ladyboys to leave right away if they trick you. If they don’t comply (some of them are quite pushy—they have to be), threaten to call building security if you have it. If you don’t, and they are staying put, you can use a little bit of force.
There is a difference between pushing someone out the door and locking it versus punching them in the face. Authorities (although very unlikely to get involved) will probably look far more favorably on that.
I should note—the police know what’s up.
But that doesn’t mean you can punch Thai ladyboys if they manage to sneak their way all the way home with you. Simply use as little force as required to remove them from your pad, and all should be well.
I should note—this is unlikely to happen. More likely, they’d just leave.
But you never know and it’s worth writing about the “worst case” scenarios. But ideally, you’d never get into this to begin with. So let’s now talk about how to spot Thai ladyboys in the wild, so you can stay well clear of them and any sticky situations.
Men and women have different ways of moving. You can’t really un-learn one and learn the other. It’s still fake because it’s not how we were biologically designed to move.
Real women tend to accentuate their hips when they walk—especially when they’re out partying and enjoying the attention from guys. You players know what I’m talking about—that subtle “oomf” that goes into their hips when they walk—the walk that makes their ass cheeks move up and down like they’re talking to you.
Thai ladyboys try to mimic this and usually just can’t pull it off—they don’t have the natural hips and curves that make it possible. Instead, you will see hips swayed in such a dramatic, over-the-top fashion that you will at least have the first clue of a ladyboy spotting.
Don’t let this be your one and only way of detecting Thai ladyboys. Especially if you’ve had a few drinks in you. It’s definitely not the most reliable metric, so…
Check For Man Hands & Jaw
You can put all the makeup in the world on your face, but it won’t hide the size of your hands. Sure, some girls have bigger hands—but use your gut instinct on this. Same with the jawline. Is it a little too strong?
I should note, too—“real” girls don’t care if you ask.
They are aware that there are trickery attempts on foreigners all the time. More likely, they’ll just laugh—as long as you phrase your question in the right way.
WRONG: Are you a ladyboy?
RIGHT: You’re not a ladyboy are you?! (with a big, shit-eating grin on your face)
Again, use your gut instinct.
If a girl is six feet tall—ask yourself—how many six feet tall girls are there in Thailand?
The number of men who reach that height is low itself.
Normal girls like to be chased and know that you will chase them.
Thai ladyboys on the other hand, have to do the chasing. It’s the only place they fit into the sexual market in Thailand. While Thai girls will let it be clear they want you, they aren’t going to flatter you on quite the level that Thai ladyboys are going to.
Ladyboys will be way over the top in an attempt to flatter you and get you to make a move on them (or them on you).
While a Thai girl might say, “You’re very cute, I like you.”
A ladyboy would probably be more aggressive, like: “Hey handsome man.”
The Adam’s Apple
Look closely at the throat. If you see an apple there—run.
Most girls do not have any sort of Adam’s Apple. It’s a trait held for men. So if your new date has one, that’s probably the easiest giveaway.
The truth is, it’s not rocket science and it’s also not a perfect formula. You need to put all of these things together. Super aggressive with man hands? Tread carefully. Is she a bit taller than average but checks out on the rest? You might be good to go (but best to verify).
Just go with your gut feeling, and if you have any hesitation—just ask or get away.
There are plenty of Thai girls out there just ready to meet you and give you a great experience.
PS: Thai Cupid is the best place to meet nice, normal Thai girls…who don’t have penises.